Crocodiles have a smile I've seen on the face of every lawyer I've ever met.

Grandma told me Mama was once caught by the Principal for writing in the front of her book, "In Case of Fire, Throw This in First." I have never had so much respect for Mama as the day I heard this.

There was a time when the respect and trust my children had for me would have made you sick to your stomach. They believed I could blow on a red traffic light and turn it green.

I have always felt cookbooks were fiction and the most beautiful words in the English language were 'room service.

What makes people laugh? . . . It's a happy marriage between a person who needs to laugh and someone who's got one to give.

Authorities say brain cells may shrink, but they don't necessarily die. Frankly, I am cheered by the fact that something is shrinking. I'd be even more thrilled if what was shrinking affected my dress size, but you can't have everything.

If you can't make it better, you can laugh at it.