Crocodiles have a smile I've seen on the face of every lawyer I've ever met.

We even switched to a newly-formed church across the town that gave one hundred and twenty trading stamps each time we attended. (We now worship a brown and white chicken with a sunburst on its chest.)

Someone once threw me a small, brown, hairy kiwi fruit, and I threw a wastebasket over it until it was dead.

When the history of guilt is written, parents who refuse their children money will be right up there in the Top Ten.

Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the 'Titanic' who waved off the dessert cart.

I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.

Occasionally, once a speaker is on his feet, it is difficult to get him to sit down. ... If and when he returns to earth, he notices half of the room is paging the other half and a few are playing with the melted candles.