Crocodiles have a smile I've seen on the face of every lawyer I've ever met.

To my way of thinking, the American family started to decline when parents began to communicate with their children.

It's the three pairs of eyes that mothers have to have...One pair that see through closed doors. Another in the back of her head...and, of course, the ones in front that can look at a child when he goofs up and reflect 'I understand and I love you' without so much as uttering a word.

Men who have a thirty-six-tele vised-football- games-a- week-habit should be declared legally dead and their estates probated.

Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.

Most women put off entertaining until the kids are grown.

Many people are intimidated by doctors. ... People also feel stupid when they don't understand what a doctor's talking about the first time around, so they don't ask again. And let's be honest here, people. English is not a doctor's first language.