Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.

I have paid as much as $300 a night to throw up into a sink shaped like a seashell.

Before we sent kids to computer camps and told them they were having a good time, there was imagination among the human species.

Success is outliving your failures

All of a sudden, I feel very old and very tired. Maybe when I get to California, the smog, brush fires, floods, and earthquakes will cheer me up.

My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.

It was a bitter moment for us. We weren't two mature parents. We were just two kids playing grown-up. We still needed Mommy and Daddy's permission, blessings, and money to survive.