Men who have a thirty-six-tele vised-football- games-a- week-habit should be declared legally dead and their estates probated.

Have you any idea how many children it takes to turn off one light in the kitchen Three. It takes one to say What light and two more to say I didn't turn it on.

Poached eggs are good, poached animals are not.

One meal a day is enough for a lion and would be for all of us if all we did all day was swat flies.

If God had meant us to walk around naked, he would never have invented the wicker chair.

I've decided life is too fragile to finish a book I dislike just because it cost $16.95 and everyone else loved it. Or eat a fried egg with a broken yolk (which I hate) when the dog would leap over the St. Louis Arch for it.

No baby shall at any time be quartered in a house where there are no soft laps, no laughter, or no love.