When you leave them in the morning, they stick their nose in the door crack and stand there like a portrait until you turn the key eight hours later.

I'm on a diet as my skin doesn't fit me anymore.

Cleanliness is not next to godliness. It isn't even in the same neighborhood. No one has ever gotten a religious experience out of removing burned-on cheese from the grill of the toaster oven.

In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.

. . . but mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute - look at it and really see it - live it - and never give it back.

All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.

Encourage independence in your children by regularly losing them in the supermarket.