When you leave them in the morning, they stick their nose in the door crack and stand there like a portrait until you turn the key eight hours later.

No self-respecting mother would run out of intimidations on the eve of a major holiday.

Do you know what you call those who use towels and never wash them, eat meals and never do the dishes, sit in rooms they never clean, and are entertained till they drop? If you have just answered, 'A house guest,' you're wrong because I have just described my kids.

Time. It hangs heavy for the bored, eludes the busy, flies by the for young, and runs out for the aged.

I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.

A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend - and he's a priest.

It is difficult to single out one sport over another, but if I have to name one in my separation suit, it will undoubtedly be football.