You show me a boy who brings a snake home to his mother and I'll show you an orphan.
I have seen my kid struggle into the kitchen in the morning with outfits that need only one accessory: an empty gin bottle.
Humorists can never start to take themselves seriously. It's literary suicide.
She's as funny as a toothache
What makes people laugh? . . . It's a happy marriage between a person who needs to laugh and someone who's got one to give.
The grass is always greener over the septic tank.