There is so much to teach, and the time goes so fast.

My son would walk to the refrigerator-freezer and fling both doors open and stand there until the hairs in his nose iced up. After surveying $200 worth of food in varying shapes and forms, he would declare loudly, 'There's nothing to eat!'

My type of humor is almost pure identification. A housewife reads my column and says, 'But that's happened to ME! I know just what she's talking about!

As a graduate of the Zsa Zsa Gabor School of Creative mathematics, I honestly do not know how old I am.

Dreams have only one owner at a time. That's why dreamers are lonely.

A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat. A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday. A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend -- and he's a priest.

With boys, you always know where you stand. Right in the path of a hurricane.