Never underestimate what it takes to watch someone you love in pain.
When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out.
A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
Humorists can never start to take themselves seriously. It's literary suicide.
My son would walk to the refrigerator-freezer and fling both doors open and stand there until the hairs in his nose iced up. After surveying $200 worth of food in varying shapes and forms, he would declare loudly, 'There's nothing to eat!'
The bad times I can handle. It's the good times that drive me crazy. When is the other shoe going going to drop?