House guests should be regarded as perishables: Leave them out too long and they go bad.

Not everyone is comfortable with the kissing ritual. My husband is one of them. Her refuses to press lips with anyone except his wife, mother, and dog. If someone wanted to give him mouth-to-mouth resuscitation, he would refuse until he had been formally introduced.

Never have more children than you have car windows.

My idea of 'roughing it' is when you have to have an extension for your electric blanket.

A grandparent will accept your calls from anywhere, collect.

Having a delivery covered by Medicare just isn't going to fly. It's too risky for a woman to put a baby down and not remember where she left it.

Family life got better and we got our car back - as soon as we put 'I love Mom' on the license plate.