House guests should be regarded as perishables: Leave them out too long and they go bad.

Have you any idea how many children it takes to turn off one light in the kitchen Three. It takes one to say What light and two more to say I didn't turn it on.

My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.

Phone are wonderful instruments, but I wouldn't want our daughter to marry one.

What makes people laugh? . . . It's a happy marriage between a person who needs to laugh and someone who's got one to give.

There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.

A child develops individuality long before he develops taste.