House guests should be regarded as perishables: Leave them out too long and they go bad.

Remember, you can lead a fifty-seven-year-old body to motherhood, but you can't make it stay awake.

Early in my life I had made a pact with myself. I would never eat anything that moved when I cooked it, excited the dog, or inflated upon impact with my teeth.

If I raised my hand to wipe the hair out of my children's eyes, they'd flinch and call their attorney.

Cats invented self-esteem.

My type of humor is almost pure identification. A housewife reads my column and says, 'But that's happened to ME! I know just what she's talking about!

Who in their infinite wisdom decreed that Little League uniforms be white? Certainly not a mother.