People used to make fun of alternative comedy because sometimes it would be someone being funny, and sometimes it was a crazy man with a flute making no sense. And it's very easy to be like, yeah, that's not really comedy.

Yes, I'm known as America's most genuine comedian.

I don't have a kid, but I think that I would be a good father, especially if my baby liked to go out drinking.

High School: Oh, man. This is where boys and girls go from tweens to teens and become complicated and cruel. Girls play sick mind games; boys try to pull each other's penises off and throw them in the bushes. If you can, buy the most expensive jeans in a two-hundred-mile radius of your town and wear them on your first day. If anyone asks how you could afford them say that your father is the president of Ashton Kutcher. When they are like, 'Ashton Kutcher has a president?' answer, 'Yes.' Everyone will be in awe of you and you won't have to go through a lot of pain and cat fights.

It's weird - the cab driver is playing very loud dance music and yet it doesn't really feel like a party.

In America, Qualification is simply an attitude. I've adopted it. So, yes. I am qualified.

I just loved comedy as a kid and I think at some point, it just occurred to me that you could try it, and I did.