When years from now people look back on today, they will think the same thing they already do but with more reasons for it.
Eugene MirmanBefore going home with a guy, give him a blow job. Guys are always more relaxed after a blow job.
Eugene MirmanTo create a comedy major, I ended up starting a comedy night in the basement of my dorm, and I promoted and produced my final project, which meant I faxed press releases from an old Apple IIC, or whatever it was, to newspapers, not knowing if that would work or if that's how you do things.
Eugene MirmanIt's easy to sit on a mountaintop and tell people what to do and how to be happy. I have chosen to do that. Not because it's easy, but for a different reason, which I would reveal, if your mind was ready to handle it, which it isn't, which is also very convenient for me.
Eugene Mirman