You know how sometimes when you're drunk you say something you sort of regret... to Ace Frehley?
Eugene MirmanMarriage is when two people love each other so much that they promise that if they ever, ever stop they'll fill out tons of paperwork.
Eugene MirmanThere's nothing sexier than a girl who's like, 'I know who FDR is, I know about the New Deal, I'm going to give you a new deal.' And then, over a period of years, she structures her sex acts in such a way that they save the economy.
Eugene MirmanThe only thing wrong with me was that I was a weirdo that hated school. I'm sure now there'd be a disorder for it, but I was just an oddball.
Eugene Mirman