I saw this huge billboard that said: 'Abortion Hurts' and then it had a drawing of a butterfly. Who is that for? Is there a lady who's going to see that and be like, 'Oh, I was going to get an abortion but now that I realize it hurts I guess I'll just give birth to a child! 'Cause I know that's painless and raising it should be a snap!'

I'm fascinated by the logic that leads to something.

I was in Vancouver, and I was in what I was told was the poorest neighborhood in North America - which I find very hard to believe because has anyone here ever been to Detroit?

Sports bars are also a great place for guys to meet other guys--either for sex or for wrestling, whichever feels more right.

I laugh at weird times - at good and bad things alike. I laugh simply when things are incongruous. It's not necessarily a judgment - as it is noticing the oddity of something.

I don't have a kid, but I think that I would be a good father, especially if my baby liked to go out drinking.

If no one figures out you are pretending to be retarded, your life will be greeted with treasure.