I come out before an audience and maybe my house burned down an hour ago, maybe my husband stayed out all night, but I stand there. ... I got them with me, right there in my hand and comfortable. That's my job, to make them comfortable, because if they wanted to be nervous they could have stayed home and added up their bills.

I come out before an audience and maybe my house burned down an hour ago, maybe my husband stayed out all night, but I stand there. ... I got them with me, right there in my hand and comfortable. That's my job, to make them comfortable, because if they wanted to be nervous they could have stayed home and added up their bills.

I've done everything in the theatre except marry a property man.

Men always fall for frigid women because they put on the best show.

Esther Williams? Wet, she's a star. Dry, she ain't.

Anyone who can't say blank is deceitful.

Let the world know you as you are, not as you think you should be.