I come out before an audience and maybe my house burned down an hour ago, maybe my husband stayed out all night, but I stand there. ... I got them with me, right there in my hand and comfortable. That's my job, to make them comfortable, because if they wanted to be nervous they could have stayed home and added up their bills.

Men always fall for frigid women because they put on the best show.

I've done everything in the theatre except marry a property man.

Your audience gives you everything you need. They tell you. There is no director who can direct you like an audience.

Any woman who can’t say a four-letter word sometimes is deceitful.

Wrong is for other people.

Love is like a card trick. After you know how it works, it's no fun any more.