It don't make much difference what you study, so long as you don't like it.

When the American people get through with the English language, it will look as if it had been run over by a musical comedy.

Swearing was invented as a compromise between running away and fighting.

It [Thanksgiving] was founded by the Puritans to give thanks for bein' preserved from the Indians, an' we keep it to give thanks we are preserved from the Puritans.

Freedom is like drink. If you take any at all, you might as well take enough to make you happy for a while.

High finance isn't burglary or obtaining money by false pretenses, but rather a judicious selection from the best features of those fine arts.

It is more comfortable to feel that we are a slight improvement on a monkey than such a fallin' off from the angels.