Histhry is a post-mortem examination. It tellsye what a counthry died iv. But I'd like to know what it lived iv.

When the American people get through with the English language, it will look as if it had been run over by a musical comedy.

Vice goes along way towards making life bearable. A little vice now and then is relished by the best of men.

There aint any news in being good. You might write the doings of all the convents of the world on the back of a postage stamp, and have room to spare.

A man that'd expict to thrain lobsters to fly in a year is called a loonytic; but a man that thinks men can be tur-rned into angels by an iliction is called a rayformer an' remains at large.

There's always wan encouragin' thing about th' sad scientific facts that come out ivrv week in th' pa-apers. They're usually not thrue.

A lie with a purpose is one of the worst kind, and the most profitable