It [Thanksgiving] was founded by the Puritans to give thanks for bein' preserved from the Indians, an' we keep it to give thanks we are preserved from the Puritans.

Alcohol is necessary for a man so that he can have a good opinion of himself, undisturbed by the facts.

Politics ain't beanbag: 'tis a man's game, and women, children 'n' pro-hy-bitionists had best stay out of it.

To most people a savage nation is wan that doesn't wear oncomf'rtable clothes.

An appeal is when you ask one court to show its contempt for another court.

The American nation in the sixth ward is a fine people; they love the eagle - on the back of a dollar.

The only good husbands stay bachelors: They're too considerate to get married.