The last man that makes a joke owns it.

No matter whether the Constitution follows the flag or not, the Supreme Court follows the election returns.

When the American people get through with the English language, it will look as if it had been run over by a musical comedy.

Th' first thing to have in a libry is a shelf. Fr'm time to time this can be decorated with lithrachure. But th' shelf is th' main thing.

Th' newspaper does ivrything f'r us. It runs th' polis foorce an' th' banks, commands th' milishy, controls th' ligislachure, baptizes th' young, marries th' foolish, comforts th' afflicted, afflicts th' comfortable, buries th' dead an' roasts thim aftherward.

Politics ain't beanbag: 'tis a man's game, and women, children 'n' pro-hy-bitionists had best stay out of it.

Most vegetarians look so much like the food they eat that they can be classified as cannibals.