The last man that makes a joke owns it.

There's always wan encouragin' thing about th' sad scientific facts that come out ivrv week in th' pa-apers. They're usually not thrue.

Swearing was invented as a compromise between running away and fighting.

High finance isn't burglary or obtaining money by false pretenses, but rather a judicious selection from the best features of those fine arts.

The American nation in the sixth ward is a fine people; they love the eagle - on the back of a dollar.

Stories are meant to comfort the afflicted, and afflict the comfortable.

What is instinct? It is the natural tendency in one when filled with dismay to turn to his wife.