There's always wan encouragin' thing about th' sad scientific facts that come out ivrv week in th' pa-apers. They're usually not thrue.

Stories are meant to comfort the afflicted, and afflict the comfortable.

The wise people are in New York because the foolish went there first, that's the way the wise men make a living.

Freedom is like drink. If you take any at all, you might as well take enough to make you happy for a while.

It don't make much difference what you study, so long as you don't like it.

If a man is wise, he gets rich an' if he gets rich, he gets foolish, or his wife does. That's what keeps the money movin' around.

Vice is a creature of such hideous mien... that the more you see it the better you like it