There's always wan encouragin' thing about th' sad scientific facts that come out ivrv week in th' pa-apers. They're usually not thrue.

If ye live enough befure thirty ye won't care to live at all afther fifty.

Work is work if you're paid to do it, and it's a pleasure if you pay to be allowed to do it.

The wise people are in New York because the foolish went there first, that's the way the wise men make a living.

I niver knew a pollytician to go wrong ontil he's been contaminated by contact with a business man.

High finance isn't burglary or obtaining money by false pretenses, but rather a judicious selection from the best features of those fine arts.

It is more comfortable to feel that we are a slight improvement on a monkey than such a fallin' off from the angels.