When the American people get through with the English language, it will look as if it had been run over by a musical comedy.

Freedom is like drink. If you take any at all, you might as well take enough to make you happy for a while.

Work is work if you're paid to do it, and it's a pleasure if you pay to be allowed to do it.

Vice is a creature of such hideous mien... that the more you see it the better you like it

The wise people are in New York because the foolish went there first, that's the way the wise men make a living.

Many a man that couldn't direct ye to th' drug store on th' corner when he was thirty will get a respectful hearin' when age has further impaired his mind.

Histhry is a post-mortem examination. It tellsye what a counthry died iv. But I'd like to know what it lived iv.