The only good husbands stay bachelors: They're too considerate to get married.

Trust ivrybody-but cut th' cards.

A Mormon is a man that has the bad taste and the religion to do what a good many other people are restrained from doing by conscientious scruples and the police.

A man that'd expict to thrain lobsters to fly in a year is called a loonytic; but a man that thinks men can be tur-rned into angels by an iliction is called a rayformer an' remains at large.

A man can be right and president, but he can't be both at the same time.

The last man that makes a joke owns it.

High finance isn't burglary or obtaining money by false pretenses, but rather a judicious selection from the best features of those fine arts.