The American nation in the sixth ward is a fine people; they love the eagle - on the back of a dollar.

Freedom is like drink. If you take any at all, you might as well take enough to make you happy for a while.

Drink never made a man better, but it has made many a man think he was better.

It [Thanksgiving] was founded by the Puritans to give thanks for bein' preserved from the Indians, an' we keep it to give thanks we are preserved from the Puritans.

The only good husbands stay bachelors: They're too considerate to get married.

The American nation in the sixth ward is a fine people; they love the eagle - on the back of a dollar.

You can lade a man up to th' university, but ye can't make him think.