The American nation in the sixth ward is a fine people; they love the eagle - on the back of a dollar.

Th' newspaper does ivrything f'r us. It runs th' polis foorce an' th' banks, commands th' milishy, controls th' ligislachure, baptizes th' young, marries th' foolish, comforts th' afflicted, afflicts th' comfortable, buries th' dead an' roasts thim aftherward.

I wonder why you can always read a doctor's bill and you can never read his prescription.

The world is not growing worse and it is not growing better - it is just turning around as usual.

One of the strangest things about life is that the poor, who need the money the most, are the ones that never have it.

A firm belief atthracts facts. They come out iv holes in the ground an' cracks in th' wall to support belief, but they run away fr'm doubt.

A man's idea in a game of cards is war, cruel, devastating, and pitiless. A lady's idea of it is a combination of larceny, embezzlement and burglary.