Drink never made a man better, but it has made many a man think he was better.

If a man is wise, he gets rich an' if he gets rich, he gets foolish, or his wife does. That's what keeps the money movin' around.

A man's idee in a card game is war

Alcohol is necessary for a man so that he can have a good opinion of himself, undisturbed by the facts.

A firm belief atthracts facts. They come out iv holes in the ground an' cracks in th' wall to support belief, but they run away fr'm doubt.

There aint any news in being good. You might write the doings of all the convents of the world on the back of a postage stamp, and have room to spare.

I wonder why you can always read a doctor's bill and you can never read his prescription.