Drink never made a man better, but it has made many a man think he was better.

The only good husbands stay bachelors: They're too considerate to get married.

It must be a good thing to be good or ivrybody wudden't be pretendin' he was.

Most vegetarians look so much like the food they eat that they can be classified as cannibals.

That is, no matther whether th' constitution follows th' flag or not, th' supreme coort follows th' iliction returns.

Most vegetarians I ever see looked enough like their food to be classed as cannibals.

A Mormon is a man that has the bad taste and the religion to do what a good many other people are restrained from doing by conscientious scruples and the police.