Th' newspaper does ivrything f'r us. It runs th' polis foorce an' th' banks, commands th' milishy, controls th' ligislachure, baptizes th' young, marries th' foolish, comforts th' afflicted, afflicts th' comfortable, buries th' dead an' roasts thim aftherward.

An appeal is when you ask one court to show its contempt for another court.

A man's idea in a game of cards is war, cruel, devastating, and pitiless. A lady's idea of it is a combination of larceny, embezzlement and burglary.

Meditation is a gift confined to unknown philosophers and cows. Others don't begin to think till they begin to talk or write.

There's always wan encouragin' thing about th' sad scientific facts that come out ivrv week in th' pa-apers. They're usually not thrue.

Vice goes along way towards making life bearable. A little vice now and then is relished by the best of men.

I niver knew a pollytician to go wrong ontil he's been contaminated by contact with a business man.