Th' newspaper does ivrything f'r us. It runs th' polis foorce an' th' banks, commands th' milishy, controls th' ligislachure, baptizes th' young, marries th' foolish, comforts th' afflicted, afflicts th' comfortable, buries th' dead an' roasts thim aftherward.

A man can be right and president, but he can't be both at the same time.

A man never becomes an orator if he has anything to say.

Drink never made a man better, but it has made many a man think he was better.

Don't jump on a man unless he is down.

The world is not growing worse and it is not growing better - it is just turning around as usual.

Trust everybody, but cut the cards.