A game you play with your own worst enemy-yourself.

The only good husbands stay bachelors: They're too considerate to get married.

Meditation is a gift confined to unknown philosophers and cows. Others don't begin to think till they begin to talk or write.

There aint any news in being good. You might write the doings of all the convents of the world on the back of a postage stamp, and have room to spare.

The wise people are in New York because the foolish went there first, that's the way the wise men make a living.

To most people a savage nation is wan that doesn't wear oncomf'rtable clothes.

Alcohol is necessary for a man so that he can have a good opinion of himself, undisturbed by the facts.