If a man is wise, he gets rich an' if he gets rich, he gets foolish, or his wife does. That's what keeps the money movin' around.

There's always wan encouragin' thing about th' sad scientific facts that come out ivrv week in th' pa-apers. They're usually not thrue.

A fanatic is a man that does what he thinks the Lord would do if He knew the facts of the case.

To most people a savage nation is wan that doesn't wear oncomf'rtable clothes.

It is more comfortable to feel that we are a slight improvement on a monkey than such a fallin' off from the angels.

A Mormon is a man that has the bad taste and the religion to do what a good many other people are restrained from doing by conscientious scruples and the police.

A lie with a purpose is one of the worst kind, and the most profitable