If a man is wise, he gets rich an' if he gets rich, he gets foolish, or his wife does. That's what keeps the money movin' around.

A man that'd expict to thrain lobsters to fly in a year is called a loonytic; but a man that thinks men can be tur-rned into angels by an iliction is called a rayformer an' remains at large.

There are no friends at cards or world politics

It is more comfortable to feel that we are a slight improvement on a monkey than such a fallin' off from the angels.

A man never becomes an orator if he has anything to say.

If Christian scientists had more science and doctors more Christianity, it wouldn't make any difference which you called in - if you had a good nurse.

When the American people get through with the English language, it will look as if it had been run over by a musical comedy.