A man can be right and president, but he can't be both at the same time.

A man that'd expict to thrain lobsters to fly in a year is called a loonytic; but a man that thinks men can be tur-rned into angels by an iliction is called a rayformer an' remains at large.

A man's idee in a card game is war

Th' newspaper does ivrything f'r us. It runs th' polis foorce an' th' banks, commands th' milishy, controls th' ligislachure, baptizes th' young, marries th' foolish, comforts th' afflicted, afflicts th' comfortable, buries th' dead an' roasts thim aftherward.

There aint any news in being good. You might write the doings of all the convents of the world on the back of a postage stamp, and have room to spare.

Most vegetarians I ever see looked enough like their food to be classed as cannibals.

Stories are meant to comfort the afflicted, and afflict the comfortable.