The world is not growing worse and it is not growing better - it is just turning around as usual.

The wise people are in New York because the foolish went there first, that's the way the wise men make a living.

Viceis a creature of such heejous mienthat th' more ye see it th' betther ye like it.

Stories are meant to comfort the afflicted, and afflict the comfortable.

Alcohol is necessary for a man so that he can have a good opinion of himself, undisturbed by the facts.

That is, no matther whether th' constitution follows th' flag or not, th' supreme coort follows th' iliction returns.

Th' newspaper does ivrything f'r us. It runs th' polis foorce an' th' banks, commands th' milishy, controls th' ligislachure, baptizes th' young, marries th' foolish, comforts th' afflicted, afflicts th' comfortable, buries th' dead an' roasts thim aftherward.