Don't order one for the road, because the road is already laid out.

My happiest memory of childhood was my first birthday in reform school. This teacher took an interest in me. In fact, he gave me the first birthday presents I ever got: a box of Cracker Jacks and a can of ABC shoe polish.

When you're hot, you're hot; when you're not, you're not.

Being a comedian is like being a con man. You have to make 'em like you before you can fool 'em.

Funny is not a color. Being black is only good from the time you get from the curtain to the microphone.

Funny is an attitude.

If I had my whole life to live over again, I don't think I'd have the strength.