My show is my statement. What I have to say is on the screen. My life is my own. I don't want to talk about my private self. Why should I?

If I had my whole life to live over again, I don't think I'd have the strength.

Get well cards have become so humorous that if you don't get sick you're missing half the fun.

I was number one in the ratings four times last year and twice this season. What could be more damn equal than that? If they get any more equal, I don't want it.

Funny is not a color. Being black is only good from the time you get from the curtain to the microphone.

Being a comedian is like being a con man. You have to make 'em like you before you can fool 'em.

Don't order one for the road, because the road is already laid out.