I was number one in the ratings four times last year and twice this season. What could be more damn equal than that? If they get any more equal, I don't want it.

If I had my whole life to live over again, I don't think I'd have the strength.

My happiest memory of childhood was my first birthday in reform school. This teacher took an interest in me. In fact, he gave me the first birthday presents I ever got: a box of Cracker Jacks and a can of ABC shoe polish.

Funny is an attitude.

You can't expect to hit the jackpot if you don't put a few nickels in the machine.

It would be ridiculous for me to say anything negative regarding blacks having an equal opportunity on TV.

What you see is what you get.