I was number one in the ratings four times last year and twice this season. What could be more damn equal than that? If they get any more equal, I don't want it.

You can't expect to hit the jackpot if you don't put a few nickels in the machine.

It would be ridiculous for me to say anything negative regarding blacks having an equal opportunity on TV.

Funny is an attitude.

When you're hot, you're hot; when you're not, you're not.

Get well cards have become so humorous that if you don't get sick you're missing half the fun.

If I had my whole life to live over again, I don't think I'd have the strength.