When you're hot, you're hot; when you're not, you're not.

When you're hot, you're hot; when you're not, you're not.

Get well cards have become so humorous that if you don't get sick you're missing half the fun.

I was number one in the ratings four times last year and twice this season. What could be more damn equal than that? If they get any more equal, I don't want it.

Funny is not a color. Being black is only good from the time you get from the curtain to the microphone.

You can't expect to hit the jackpot if you don't put a few nickels in the machine.

Things can be funny only when we are in fun. When we're 'dead earnest,' humor is the only thing that is dead.