My happiest memory of childhood was my first birthday in reform school. This teacher took an interest in me. In fact, he gave me the first birthday presents I ever got: a box of Cracker Jacks and a can of ABC shoe polish.

Being a comedian is like being a con man. You have to make 'em like you before you can fool 'em.

Things can be funny only when we are in fun. When we're 'dead earnest,' humor is the only thing that is dead.

It would be ridiculous for me to say anything negative regarding blacks having an equal opportunity on TV.

Get well cards have become so humorous that if you don't get sick you're missing half the fun.

What you see is what you get.

You can't expect to hit the jackpot if you don't put a few nickels in the machine.