My happiest memory of childhood was my first birthday in reform school. This teacher took an interest in me. In fact, he gave me the first birthday presents I ever got: a box of Cracker Jacks and a can of ABC shoe polish.

My show is my statement. What I have to say is on the screen. My life is my own. I don't want to talk about my private self. Why should I?

What you see is what you get.

Funny is an attitude.

If I had my whole life to live over again, I don't think I'd have the strength.

I think Mr. Wilson will have to be the rest of the way alone.

Don't order one for the road, because the road is already laid out.