You can't expect to hit the jackpot if you don't put a few nickels in the machine.

My main point is to be funny; if I can slip a message in there, fine.

Being a comedian is like being a con man. You have to make 'em like you before you can fool 'em.

When you're hot, you're hot; when you're not, you're not.

If I had my whole life to live over again, I don't think I'd have the strength.

Don't order one for the road, because the road is already laid out.

Funny is an attitude.