The cost of living is going up and the chance of living is going down.

Funny is an attitude.

If I had my whole life to live over again, I don't think I'd have the strength.

Being a comedian is like being a con man. You have to make 'em like you before you can fool 'em.

Get well cards have become so humorous that if you don't get sick you're missing half the fun.

Funny is not a color. Being black is only good from the time you get from the curtain to the microphone.

I think Mr. Wilson will have to be the rest of the way alone.