The cost of living is going up and the chance of living is going down.
Get well cards have become so humorous that if you don't get sick you're missing half the fun.
With all the trouble black people have, they try to forget on weekends. You've got to be good to make them laugh.
Don't order one for the road, because the road is already laid out.
Funny is an attitude.
My happiest memory of childhood was my first birthday in reform school. This teacher took an interest in me. In fact, he gave me the first birthday presents I ever got: a box of Cracker Jacks and a can of ABC shoe polish.