Being a comedian is like being a con man. You have to make 'em like you before you can fool 'em.
My happiest memory of childhood was my first birthday in reform school. This teacher took an interest in me. In fact, he gave me the first birthday presents I ever got: a box of Cracker Jacks and a can of ABC shoe polish.
You can't expect to hit the jackpot if you don't put a few nickels in the machine.
The cost of living is going up and the chance of living is going down.
Funny is an attitude.
What you see is what you get.