Being your own man does not mean taking advantage of anyone else.

My show is my statement. What I have to say is on the screen. My life is my own. I don't want to talk about my private self. Why should I?

Being a comedian is like being a con man. You have to make 'em like you before you can fool 'em.

Don't order one for the road, because the road is already laid out.

What you see is what you get.

My happiest memory of childhood was my first birthday in reform school. This teacher took an interest in me. In fact, he gave me the first birthday presents I ever got: a box of Cracker Jacks and a can of ABC shoe polish.

The cost of living is going up and the chance of living is going down.