The Italians are the most civilized people. And they're very warm. Basically, they're Jews with great architecture.

Life is so absurd now that it is almost impossible to be a satirist in this era.

It is not true that there is dignity in all work. Some jobs are definitely better than others.... People who have good jobs are happy, rich, and well dressed. People who have bad jobs are unhappy, poor and use meat extenders. Those who seek dignity in the type of work that compels them to help hamburgers are certain to be disappointed.

Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and small people talk about wine.

How do you know if your child is a writer? Your obstetrician holds his stethoscope to your abdomen and only hears excuses.

It's much easier to write a solemn book than a funny book. It's harder to make people laugh than it is to make them cry. People are always on the verge of tears.

[Friendships] are easy to get out of compared to love affairs, but they are not easy to get out of compared to, say, jail.