The Italians are the most civilized people. And they're very warm. Basically, they're Jews with great architecture.

Presently it appears that people are mainly concerned with being well rested. Those capable of uninterrupted sleep are much admired. Unconsciousness is in great demand. This is the day of the milligram. The rigors of learning how to do long division have been a traditional part of childhood, just like learning to smoke. In fact, as far as I am concerned, the two go hand in hand. Any child who cannot do long division by himself does not deserve to smoke.

When you reach a certain age, suddenly there are lots of people younger than you, which is really startling.

All God's children are not beautiful. Most of God's children are, in fact, barely presentable.

What do they do in these [private] clubs, anyway? Sit around saying things like 'Thank God I'm here. No Jews! What fun! This is living, huh? Look! No Jews! I don't know when I've had a better time. And no women! Just men! And no blacks! Just whites! White men! White men who are not Jewish! It doesn't get any better than this.' To some people, apparently, this is a perfect description of injustice. To me, this is a perfect description of a gay bar in Iceland.

Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky.

I hate all jobs. I've never had a job I liked.