I've never seen the Kardashians; I'm not sure who they are. But I know a lot about them because it's impossible not to.

Your grandparents did not endure the indignities of a steerage journey to Ellis Island so that you could stand outside a discothèque and beg a wallpaper designer to take you in with him.

Children are much less annoying [than adults] and they never start trends.

Middle class was defined by having certain values and only a certain amount of money. But this new middle class seems to have absolutely no values and an unlimited amount of money.

It is not true that there is dignity in all work. Some jobs are definitely better than others.

Screenwriting is not an artform, it is a punishment from God.

When I fly, I'm never afraid the plane is going to crash. But there have often been times when I was afraid it wouldn't crash. I was just afraid it was going to circle O'Hare for the rest of my life.