I have the exact opposite problem of every writer I've ever met: Every writer I've ever met writes things that are too long, and they have to edit them down.

I don't like the kind of country living where you have to help. I like country living where there is help.

Do not approach with anything even resembling assurance a restaurant that moves.

Tolerance is really a better thing than understanding. Because it doesn't agitate against human nature.

This idea that people have to love and understand each other is absurd. It's not human nature.

Very few people possess true artistic ability. It is therefore both unseemly and unproductive to irritate the situation by making an effort. If you have a burning, restless urge to write or paint, simply eat something sweet and the feeling will pass.

Your responsibility as a parent is not as great as you might imagine. You need not supply the world with the next conqueror of disease or major motion picture star. If your child simply grows up to be someone who does not use the word "collectible" as a noun, you can consider yourself an unqualified success.