While it is undeniably true that people love a surprise, it is equally true that they are seldom pleased to suddenly and without warning happen upon a series of prunes in what they took to be a normal loin of pork.

When I was young, boys didn't type.

those who use the word 'lifestyle' are rarely in possession of either.

It's very important who the president of the United States is. America is a great idea, so that's why it's a great country.

I, unfortunately, take the subway a lot. It's not my preference, but it is my lot in life.

What people don't know is: Clothes don't really fit you unless they're made for you. Especially when you wear men's clothes, like I do. American women think that clothes fit them if they can fit into them. But that's not at all what fit means.

The other day I read that last year 58 million tourists came to New York ... where a puny eight million people are trying to live. Unless they own a hotel chain, I don't think a single one of these eight million people are happy about this.