If people don't want to listen to you, what makes you think they want to hear from your sweater?

All of television's appalling, but this is hardly a new statement.

It's very disheartening to encounter a fearful twenty-one year old. They haven't earned the right to be that afraid. It's not like we're living in war-torn Bosnia or something.

I have a hard time writing. Most writers have a hard time writing. I have a harder time than most because I'm lazier than most. I don't want to brag, but I'm the laziest person I have ever known.

Now people need special costumes to ride bicycles. I mean, a helmet, what, are you an astronaut??

I've never had the experience of being edited and never will.

Large, naked, raw carrots are acceptable as food only to those who live in hutches eagerly awaiting Easter.