That I am totally devoid of sympathy for, or interest in, the world of groups is directly attributable to the fact that my two greatest needs and desires - smoking cigarettes and plotting revenge - are basically solitary pursuits.

All the time I'm not writing I feel like a criminal. It's horrible to feel felonious every second of the day. It's much more relaxing to actually write.

I, unfortunately, take the subway a lot. It's not my preference, but it is my lot in life.

Breakfast cereals that come in the same colors as polyester leisure suits make oversleeping a virtue.

Children are the most desirable opponents at scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat.

Being offended is a natural consequence of leaving the house.

I have always preferred the company of older people. No one in the history of the world has had less interest in the young than I do. I am not interested in what young people are thinking. They're thinking less than old people, of course. I mean, what could they be thinking? And what are they doing? They're doing the same stupid things you did.