Being poor is like being a child. Being rich is like being an adult: you get to do whatever you want. Everyone is nice when they have to be; rich people are nice when they feel like it.

Whenever I am doing anything else, which is most of the time, even if it is not something like robbing a bank, I feel felonious. Writing is what I'm supposed to be doing.

When you reach a certain age, suddenly there are lots of people younger than you, which is really startling.

If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail.

Smoking is, as far as I'm concerned, the entire point of being an adult.

While clothes with pictures and/or writing on them are not entirely an invention of the modern age, they are an unpleasant indication of the general state of things. ... I mean, be realistic. If people don't want to listen to you, what makes you think they want to hear from your sweater?

I never met anyone who didn't have a very smart child. What happens to these children, you wonder, when they reach adulthood?