Writing pornography is deadly, nothing duller. I mean a toll-taker has a more exciting life than a pornographer.

If people don't hold grudges, it means they just don't care what people do.

Most writers write too much. I have the exact opposite problem. I feel I could write almost anything in a paragraph. I have a natural ability to condense, and so I often think, "Are you kidding me? Five thousand words? How am I gonna make 5,000 words out of that?"

Communists all seem to wear small caps, a look I consider better suited to tubes of toothpaste than to people.

I woke up at five o'clock in the morning with the whole first paragraph in my head. Now, this just shows what a slothful person I am: I tried to go back to sleep.

[Friendships] are easy to get out of compared to love affairs, but they are not easy to get out of compared to, say, jail.

Do not have your child's hair cut by a real hairdresser in a real hairdressing salon. He is, at this point, far too short to be exposed to contempt.