I am accusing him of stealing my best material, he was a very funny man.

What's the difference between my wife and a terrorist? You can negotiate with a terrorist.

Most of my jokes are racist - usually about the Irish.

The council in Blackpool have given the homeless bus passes, but how would they know where to get off?

A man goes into Boots and says: "Have you got any Viagra?" "Do you have a prescription?" asks the chemist. "No," he replies, "But 'I've got a photograph of the wife."

My wife went into the butchers and said: "You've a sheep's head in your window." The butcher said: "That's a mirror."

Have you heard about the Irishman who reversed into a car boot sale and sold the engine?