I am accusing him of stealing my best material, he was a very funny man.

America has only 100 Senators for 309 million people, but Stormont has 108 members for 1.7 million.

People in Northern Ireland vote for their church, they don't vote with their heads; it is ridiculous.

There were two Irishmen eating sandwiches in a pub and the landlord said: "You can't eat your own food in here." So they swapped sandwiches.

Have you heard about the Irishman who reversed into a car boot sale and sold the engine?

I was in the Far East and I went into a restaurant and I ordered octopus and the waiter said: "It takes four hours." I asked why and he said: "It keeps turning off the gas."

I'm not really a homosexual. I just help them out when they're busy.