I am accusing him of stealing my best material, he was a very funny man.

My father fought in World War I and single-handedly destroyed the Germans' line of communication. He ate their pigeon.

A man turns to the guy next to him who's covered in bandages from head to toe and asks "What happened?". "I fell through a glass window," explains the man. The first man says: "Lucky you were wearing all those bandages."

I gave my wife a kiss this morning. She jumped out of bed and did a lap of honour.

I am accusing him of stealing my best material, he was a very funny man.

There was an Irish space program to go to the sun. They went at night so they didn't get burnt.

A traffic policeman stops Sister Bridget for speeding. She pulls into the side of the road and winds down her window. The officer walks round and starts undoing his fly. "Oh dear," she says, "Not the breathalyser again."