My father fought in World War I and single-handedly destroyed the Germans' line of communication. He ate their pigeon.

There was a man sitting in the dining room of the Titanic, he said: "I know I asked for ice, but this is ridiculous."

There were two Irishmen eating sandwiches in a pub and the landlord said: "You can't eat your own food in here." So they swapped sandwiches.

A man goes into Boots and says: "Have you got any Viagra?" "Do you have a prescription?" asks the chemist. "No," he replies, "But 'I've got a photograph of the wife."

Frank once slipped something into the pocket of a luggage handler at the airport and said: "Have a drink on me." The luggage handler later found out it was a tea bag.

I am accusing him of stealing my best material, he was a very funny man.

The Irish Six Million Dollar man only cost three quid.