My father fought in World War I and single-handedly destroyed the Germans' line of communication. He ate their pigeon.

An Irishman's wife gave birth to twins. Her husband wanted to know who the other man was.

Doctor told me I've got two weeks to live. I said: "Can I have the last week in July and the 1st week in August?"

A man goes into Boots and says: "Have you got any Viagra?" "Do you have a prescription?" asks the chemist. "No," he replies, "But 'I've got a photograph of the wife."

I bought these shoes in Taiwan, and they said in the inside "made around the corner."

I'm really worried about my girlfriend's morals ... she has NEXT written on her knickers.

I'm not really a homosexual. I just help them out when they're busy.