My father fought in World War I and single-handedly destroyed the Germans' line of communication. He ate their pigeon.

There was an Irish space program to go to the sun. They went at night so they didn't get burnt.

What's the difference between my wife and a terrorist? You can negotiate with a terrorist.

I come from a family of musicians. Even the sewing machine is a Singer.

Doctor told me I've got two weeks to live. I said: "Can I have the last week in July and the 1st week in August?"

Did you know you can have an Irish abortion, but there is a 12 month waiting list?

A man up in front of a judge says "I don't recognise this court." "Why not?" "It's been redecorated since the last time I was here."