There was an Irish space program to go to the sun. They went at night so they didn't get burnt.

My Irish mate told me, if you file down the edges of a 50 pence piece, you can use it as a 10p.

I don't think my wife likes me very much, when I had a heart attack she wrote for an ambulance.

Have you heard about the Irishman who reversed into a car boot sale and sold the engine?

I was in the Far East and I went into a restaurant and I ordered octopus and the waiter said: "It takes four hours." I asked why and he said: "It keeps turning off the gas."

I have a pacemaker in, but it doesn't work very well, because every time I fart the garage door opens.

A man walks into a hospital feeling unwell and the doctor says: "Sorry, you've only got three minutes to live." The man said: "Can you do something for me?" "Yes," he said. "I'll boil you an egg."