A man turns to the guy next to him who's covered in bandages from head to toe and asks "What happened?". "I fell through a glass window," explains the man. The first man says: "Lucky you were wearing all those bandages."

Have you heard about the Irishman who reversed into a car boot sale and sold the engine?

I'm really worried about my girlfriend's morals ... she has NEXT written on her knickers.

There were two Irishmen eating sandwiches in a pub and the landlord said: "You can't eat your own food in here." So they swapped sandwiches.

A traffic policeman stops Sister Bridget for speeding. She pulls into the side of the road and winds down her window. The officer walks round and starts undoing his fly. "Oh dear," she says, "Not the breathalyser again."

There was a man sitting in the dining room of the Titanic, he said: "I know I asked for ice, but this is ridiculous."

Did you know you can have an Irish abortion, but there is a 12 month waiting list?