I gave my wife a kiss this morning. She jumped out of bed and did a lap of honour.

I am accusing him of stealing my best material, he was a very funny man.

Doctor told me I've got two weeks to live. I said: "Can I have the last week in July and the 1st week in August?"

A man was found dead covered in sprinkles, strawberry sauce and a flake. Reports said he may have topped himself.

There was an Irish space program to go to the sun. They went at night so they didn't get burnt.

I bought these shoes in Taiwan, and they said in the inside "made around the corner."

People in Northern Ireland vote for their church, they don't vote with their heads; it is ridiculous.