So I rang up British Telecom, I said 'I want to report a nuisance caller', he said 'Not you again'.

America has only 100 Senators for 309 million people, but Stormont has 108 members for 1.7 million.

A man goes into Boots and says: "Have you got any Viagra?" "Do you have a prescription?" asks the chemist. "No," he replies, "But 'I've got a photograph of the wife."

There was a man sitting in the dining room of the Titanic, he said: "I know I asked for ice, but this is ridiculous."

The council in Blackpool have given the homeless bus passes, but how would they know where to get off?

Most of my jokes are racist - usually about the Irish.

The Irish Six Million Dollar man only cost three quid.